Food Matters

By Dr. Mercola

Full story at http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2011/10/02/food-matters-the-movie.aspx?e_cid=20111002_SNL_Art_1

The film Food Matters presents powerful evidence in support of the ancient wisdom that regards food as medicine, and offers practical solutions to the current health crisis.

Modern medicine has replaced nutritious foods for chemicals in the form of drugs as the preferred mode of addressing disease, with devastating results.

Nutrition alone can prevent and treat many if not most diseases, including high blood pressure, high cholesterol, autoimmune diseases, type 2 diabetes, heart disease, anxiety and depression - even cancer.

"Let thy food be thy medicine, and thy medicine be thy food."

That famous quote by Hippocrates, who is often referred to as "the father of medicine," is somewhere around 2,500 years old, and for a long time this sentiment was treated as fact. Today, many scoff at this notion, thinking nutrition and medicine have very little in common; using food to quench hunger and little else, while turning to pharmaceutical drugs to treat illness.

Turning our backs on the fundamental truth that "food is medicine" is no doubt at the very heart of our current disease epidemics.

Another quote by Hippocrates, which is part of the Hippocratic Oath still recited by modern doctors today, is "First, do no harm." Unfortunately, the preoccupation with the idea that there must be "a pill for every ill" now greatly compromises this oath, because the practice of medicine is primarily focused on drugs that oftentimes do FAR more harm than good… Meanwhile, modern doctors receive virtually no training in nutrition.

Food Matters, produced by James Colquhoun, Laurentine ten Bosch, and Enzo Tedeschi is an 80-minute long fast-paced re-education for the layman on the basics of good health, which incidentally is the only way to prevent disease from occurring in the first place. The film presents powerful evidence in support of  ancient wisdom that regards food as medicine, and offers practical solutions to the current health crisis.

What You Will Learn from this Film

As summarized on the Food Matters' website, by watching this film you will get answers to the following questions, and straight facts on:

•How you can use food as medicine

•Who needs vitamins?

•Is organic really better?

•How safe is your food?

•Foods that fight anxiety and depression

•Natural therapies for cancer

•Which drugs might do more harm than good?

•The best ways to detox, lose weight and keep it off! 

Food Matters really delivers a well-rounded view of the elements required for health, starting with the food supply itself, and the devastating effects modern food manufacturing has had on the quality of our food. Soil depletion is a direct result of modern agricultural practices, and has led to crops containing fewer nutrients. The answer, of course, lies in reverting back to organic and sustainable agriculture. The largest study conducted into organic food confirmed that the idea that organically grown foods are healthier for you is not wishful fantasy. It's a fact.

That four-year long study discovered that:

•Organic fruit and vegetables contain up to 40 percent more antioxidants

•Organic produce had higher levels of beneficial minerals like iron and zinc

•Milk from organic herds contained up to 90 percent more antioxidants

When evaluating food and nutrition it's also imperative to understand what happens to the nutrient content of a food when it is processed, and the potential harm that can be caused by added chemicals. Our food stores are filled to the brim with ultra-processed foods that not only contain ingredients grown in depleted, pesticide-laden soils to begin with, but are further depleted of real nutrients through processing; in the end providing very little beyond empty calories.

Food as Medicine

Fatigue is epidemic, particularly in the United States. In the film, Victor Zeines states that fatigue-related ailments should be viewed as "chronic malnutrition." With proper diet, fatigue is simply not an issue. Feeling "awake" and vibrantly alive is part and parcel of optimal health. Ian Brighthope also makes an excellent point when he explains that each day you neglect nutrition by eating improperly, you're entering deeper into a state of nutrient deficiency. And you cannot make up for it by loading up on veggies every now and again. Nutrition is literally fuel for your cells and organs, and you need to feed your body the proper fuel each and every day, not just once in a while. As Brighthope says, sooner or later you will have to pay for this neglect, and this "payment due," of course, comes in the form of disease.

Well, since improper nutrition caused the problem (and poor diet is at the heart of nearly ALL disease, from colds and flu's to cancer), wouldn't it make sense then that the corrective action needed is proper nutrition?

Dr. Andrew Saul hits the nail on the head when he brings up the point that "the public relations problem of nutrients," is that each nutrient "is good for too many things." Quite simply, it sounds too good to be true!

One nutrient stands out as it can be beneficial for an astounding number of health problems, and that is vitamin D. Its benefits are so profound and multi-varied that a 2008 meta-analysis of 18 randomized controlled trials concluded supplemental vitamin D significantly reduces mortality from ALL causes.

Food Matters also includes a discussion on the health benefits of vitamin C, which has been shown to prevent and treat a wide variety of diseases, from the common cold, to near-terminal cases of the H1N1 swine flu, to cancer.

Food Matters — a Labor of Love

The background story of how this film was produced is just as fascinating as the film itself. It was originally created to convince James' father, Ray, to step out of the conventional box and really start to consider his options. Ray was bedridden with severe flu-like symptoms, chronic fatigue, depression and anxiety, and like most people, he sought professional help. Unfortunately, the conventional approaches left him feeling even worse than before; inching ever closer to despair. To read the full back story, please see the Food Matters website.

Here's a snippet:

"Psychiatrists and medical specialists recommended a myriad of drugs that did nothing to alleviate Roy's physical ailments and, Roy asserts, actually worsened his mental condition. Roy explains his attitude at the time was, "If the best of the medical profession could not help me, how could my son and daughter-in-law with their nutrition and vitamin-based approach help?"

James and Laurentine understood that it would take powerful measures to shock Roy into kicking his dangerous pharmaceutical drug habit. After realizing that he wasn't reading the books that they sent him, the duo set off around the world interviewing experienced doctors, researchers, naturopaths and journalists. Their reasoning was that if Roy wouldn't read the books then maybe he would listen to these experts on DVD."

Their scheme worked… In the interview on their site, Ray explains what happened next:

"… After five years on heavy doses of anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, anxiety medication and sleeping tablets, I started taking therapeutic doses of vitamins and minerals and within a week had withdrawn from all prescription medication." Today, he is disease-free, drug-free, twenty kilograms lighter, running twice a week and enjoying a happy retirement. Roy's return to health was incredibly inspiring evidence of the power of nutritional therapy."

To me, Ray's story is a perfect example of just how simple it can be. Not necessarily easy, as it requires you to shift your perceptions and alter your habits, which most people resist doing, but it's simple in that it's not rocket science. Most people do not need a new and improved drug. They simply need proper nutrition…

First they ignore you,

then they laugh at you,

then they fight you,

then you win.

Mohandas Gandhi

All truth passes through three stages:

First, it is ridiculed.

Second, it is violently opposed.

Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.

Arthur Schopenhauer

In their own words, Gandhi and Schopenhauer have each made what I believe is one of the most valuable observations on the shifting of human views on truth. Right now, we're still in the 'violent opposition' stage in terms of accepting food as medicine. But it's only a matter of time... Once understood, the truth that food can equate to "medicine" is so self-evident that it simply cannot be ignored and opposed forever.

Of course, modern medicine has its place and serves an invaluable function when it comes to major trauma and emergency situations. But as the interviewed experts in this film point out, "not every problem requires costly, major medical attention." For most diseases, such as type 2 diabetes, heart disease, high blood pressure, chronic fatigue, and autoimmune disorders, just to name a few, there are many alternative therapies (including simple dietary changes) that can be more effective than conventional medical treatments — not to mention more economical, less harmful and less invasive.

So please, take the time to watch this film with your family, and share it with everyone you know. It just might save your life, or the life of someone you care about.

Beyond Frankenfoods and Toxics: OCA's Ten Reasons to Buy Organic

by Ronnie Cummins, Executive Director, Organic Consumers Association

(as reported by NaturalNews)

Organic foods and products are the fastest growing items in America's grocery carts. Thirty million households, comprising 75 million people, are now buying organic foods, clothing, body care, supplements, pet food, and other products on a regular basis. Fifty-six percent of U.S. consumers say they prefer organic foods.

Here are 10 reasons why you should buy organic foods and products:

1. Organic foods are produced without the use of Genetically Modified Organisms (GMOs). Consumers worry about untested and unlabeled genetically modified food ingredients in common supermarket items. Genetically engineered ingredients are now found in 75% of all non-organic U.S. processed foods, even in many products labeled or advertised as "natural." In addition, the overwhelming majority of non-organic meat, dairy, and eggs are derived from animals reared on a steady diet of GM animal feed. Although polls indicate that 90% of Americans want labels on gene-altered foods, government and industry adamantly refuse to respect consumers' right to know, understanding quite well that health and environmental-minded shoppers will avoid foods with a GMO label.

2. Organic foods are safe and pure. Organic farming prohibits the use of toxic pesticides, antibiotics, growth hormones, nano-particles, and climate-destabilizing chemical fertilizers. Consumers worry about pesticide and drug residues routinely found in non-organic produce, processed foods, and animal products. Consumer Reports has found that 77% of non-organic produce items in the average supermarket contain pesticide residues. The beef industry has acknowledged that 94% of all U.S. beef cattle have hormone implants, which are banned in Europe as a cancer hazard. Approximately 10% of all U.S. dairy cows are injected with Monsanto and Elanco's controversial genetically engineered Bovine Growth Hormone, banned in most industrialized nations. Recent studies indicate that an alarming percentage of non-organic U.S. meat contains dangerous antibiotic-resistant bacteria.

3. Organic foods and farming are climate-friendly. Citizens are increasingly concerned about climate-destabilizing greenhouse gas pollution (CO2, methane, and nitrous oxide), 35-50% of which in North America comes from our energy-intensive, chemical-intensive food and farming system. Organic farms and ranches, on the other hand, use far less fossil fuel and can safely sequester large amounts of CO2 in the soil (up to 7,000 pounds of CO2 per acre per year, every year.) Twenty-four billion pounds of chemical fertilizers applied on non-organic farms in the U.S. every year not only pollute our drinking water and create enormous dead zones in the oceans; but also release enormous amounts of nitrous oxide, a super potent, climate-destabilizing greenhouse gas.

4. Organic food certification prohibits nuclear irradiation. Consumers are justifiably alarmed about irradiating food with nuclear waste or electron beams, which destroy vitamins and nutrients and produce cancer-causing chemicals such as benzene and formaldehyde. The nuclear industry, large food processors, and slaughterhouses continue to lobby Congress to remove required labels from irradiated foods and replace these with misleading labels that use the term "cold pasteurization." The USDA and large meat companies have promoted the use of irradiated meat in school lunches and senior citizen facilities. Many non-organic spices contain irradiated ingredients.

5. Consumers worry about rampant e-coli, salmonella, campylobacter, Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus (MRSA), and fecal contamination in animal products coming out of the nation's inhumane and filthy slaughterhouses. The Centers for Disease Control have admitted that up to 76 million Americans suffer from food poisoning every year. Very few cases of food poisoning have ever been linked to organic farms or food processors.

6. Consumers are concerned about billions of pounds of toxic municipal sewage sludge dumped as "fertilizer" on 140,000 of America's chemical farms. Scientific evidence has confirmed that municipal sewage sludge contains hundreds of dangerous pathogens, toxic heavy metals, flame-retardants, endocrine disruptors, carcinogens, pharmaceutical drugs and other hazardous chemicals coming from residential drains, storm water runoff, hospitals, and industrial plants. Organic farming categorically prohibits the use of sewage sludge.

7. Consumers worry about the routine practice of grinding up slaughterhouse waste and feeding this offal and blood back to other animals, a practice that has given rise to a form of human mad-cow disease called CJD, often misdiagnosed as Alzheimer's disease. Animals on organic farms cannot be fed slaughterhouse waste, manure, or blood - daily rations on America's factory farms.

8. Consumers care about the humane treatment of animals. Organic farming prohibits intensive confinement and mutilation (debeaking, cutting off tails, etc.) of farm animals. In addition to the cruel and unhealthy confinement of animals on factory farms, scientists warn that these CAFOs (Confined Animal Feeding Operations) produce enormous volumes of manure and urine, which not only pollute surface and ground water, but also emit large quantities of methane, a powerful climate-destabilizing greenhouse gas.

9. Consumers are concerned about purchasing foods with high nutritional value. Organic foods are nutritionally dense compared to foods produced with toxic chemicals, chemical fertilizers, and GMO seeds. Studies show that organic foods contain more vitamins, cancer-fighting anti-oxidants, and important trace minerals.

10. Consumers care about preserving America's family farms, world hunger, and the plight of the world's two billion small farmers. Just about the only small farmers who stand a chance of making decent living these days are organic farmers, who get a better price for their products. In addition study after study has shown that small organic farms in the developing world produce twice as much food per acre as chemical and GMO farms, while using far less fossil fuel and sequestering large amounts of excess CO2 in the soil. Yields on organic farms in the industrialized world are comparable to the yields on chemical and GMO farms, with the important qualification that organic farms far out-produce chemical farms under extreme weather conditions of drought or torrential rains. Of course, given accelerated climate change, extreme weather is fast becoming the norm.

For all these reasons, millions of American consumers are turning to organic foods and other organic items, including clothing and body care products - part of an overall movement toward healthy living, preserving the environment, and reversing global warming.

Gearing up for publication

It has continued to be a tough go in the fields. The cool wet spring, followed by heat and extended lack of rainfall conspired to put paid to most of our touted salad green mixes in July. Stresses on the plants gave marauding bugs the signal to move in, and they have had a feast. The exception was the baby lettuce mix, which battled on gamely through the dry heat, only now flagging in submission. However, we did enjoy a good early season, especially with bountiful hoophouse production; the baby beets and rainbow carrots have performed well, thanking us for their thorough weeding and frequent watering through the heat. Garlic and lavender too rewarded us with healthy harvests.

And now, plentiful early August rains are helping to turn us around. We have been very busy planting arugula, salad mixes, mustards, kales, spinach, beets, carrots, and all are emerging nicely. I even took a rare day off market yesterday, missing a rainy afternoon at Riverdale. Within days, we will be up and running with new production, ready for the second half of the season. Imminent further plantings in the fields and hoophouses will see us right, through till the end of December.

The recent turnaround time gave me pause to finally submit for publication my account of our organic life and musings on the alternative regional food system we are part of. It was with excitement and some trepidation that I clicked on that “Submit” button, and off went the manuscript of my baby – my first book - for evaluation and editing. If all goes to plan, I hope to be flogging Leafy Greens in the Rolling Hills at market come the indoor season. For the time being, there is lots of planting, growing, harvesting and selling to be done and the rest of summer to enjoy…

Garlic Time (cue Music)

Ah, this farming lark, it’s sometimes a great challenge, but we have to stay upbeat. Otherwise we would lose the plot! We farmers are known for moaning and griping, whining and wingeing, but sometimes we really do have a lot on our plate! July’s blue skies and intense sunshine belie a fierce heat and a brutal aridity which make some plants want to give up the ghost. Only constant gushings of water keep them in survival mode, and those farmers unable to water are truly up against the wall. This weather follows on the heels of an exceptionally cool and wet May and June, whose early plantings have delivered up slim pickings. In my weariness, I have to remind myself that I would rather be doing nothing else in the world, and the rewards in overall health and wellbeing are enormous.

Now, as 2 inches of rain have teemed down outside, the heat and drought have broken, it is almost time to get back to the fields to try to start catching up on delayed planting, so that we have something to show in August and September, traditionally peak season for fresh produce here at Rolling Hills Organics. Turn around day. 

I can have no complaints about the traffic at the Riverdale Park and Evergreen Brickworks farmers markets in Toronto that we sell at. Customers are enthusiastic, appreciative, dedicated, and fresh blood is always out there. The positive feedback from customers is music to my ears and reminds me why we work so hard at this game. We do it honestly, as do many farmers, so it annoys me to see produce from the Food Terminal at market (unmarked as such and sold by farmers who should know better). This not fair to customers who think they are buying organic and do so for good reason – their health.

Early in the season, we had excellent Spring greenhouse production of salad greens, which helped us get a jump on things when some farmers were concentrating on their fields. Now, salad green production has slowed with the extreme weather conditions, but we have been boosted by Gundi’s fabulous pesto creations (garlic scape being a bestseller, and now slowly succeeded by the classic basil pesto). Lavender and garlic harvests have been superb, both plants loving the heat and tolerating the dry. Following after the garlic scapes, fresh garlic and “naked garlic” (peeled and bagged), the garlic plants are now fully harvested and drying nicely. The coming weeks will see abundant offerings of hardneck Music garlic, a slightly spicy hardneck variety, with a classic garlic bite and flavour! With 4 to 6 easy-to-peel cloves per bulb, each has a shiny-white sheath and pink-tinged clove skins. They are a good source of calcium, phosphorus and selenium, and an excellent source of vitamin C, vitamin B6 and manganese. We have been using fresh juicy garlic liberally in salads and cooking and feel our skin glowing, even shining with radiant health. One customer remarked how subtle and sweet the flavour of the roasted garlic is. Yes, indeed. Local-grown organic hardneck garlic (as opposed to the supermarket-ubiquitous unorganic softneck grown and harvested who knows when and well-travelled from the other side of the world in China) is an elaborate feast for the taste buds and dense with nutrition.

The naturally-raised, grass-fed, grass-finished Dexter beef we take to market has been finding a highly enthusiastic audience. The current schedule of one animal a month is not keeping up with demand right now, especially for the sought-after prime steak cuts (tenderloins, striploins, ribeyes, T-bones, sirloins) and the lean ground beef. We sell the ground beef also through the Northside Grill in Cobourg, where chef Johnny Devlin has had great response to his Dexter burgers, which have replaced Kobe burgers on the menu. All cuts are full-flavoured, dense and highly nutritious. This is what happens when happy cows graze on their natural diet in the open air year round with easy access to shelter. They live in prime health, unstressed and do not need any antibiotics, hormones or unnatural supplementation. When considering the definition of grass–fed beef, it is vital that they are “finished”, or fattened, on grass, rather than grain, for the 90 – 160 days before dispatch. If grain–finished during those months, the levels of important nutrients like CLA and Omega 3 decrease dramatically in the animal’s tissues. It is in the finishing process that those levels and ratios drastically decline because of the grain feeding. Taken individually to the local processor, stress is kept to a minimum and this translates in the flavour and nutrition of the meat.

Hey ho, hey ho, it’s off to work we go…

The Big E.Coli Smear Campaign

Escherichia coli (E. Coli) bacteria are found in the intestines of cattle, poultry and other animals. If people become infected with these bacteria and those from raw sewage, the infection can result in serious illness, as is the case that has recently sickened many and caused the death of 22 people to date in northern Germany.

German authorities were quick on the draw, passing judgement by falsely blaming Spanish cucumbers and leading to a devastating loss of sales for innocent Spanish farmers. Some were probably forced to go out of business. Then the net was spread to blame not just cucumbers, but also tomatoes and lettuce, affecting sales for farmers across Europe and beyond, as panicked customers were advised not to consume these salad vegetables. Now, the spotlight has turned onto local German-grown beansprouts. Still they blame the vegetables and, by extension, many more innocent farmers.

To me, this smacks of a trigger-happy blame game waged against farmers, hatched up by big corporations and governments (together with the science experts they have in their pockets), and broadcast by their mainstream media, including the Associated Press, BBC.  All as a diversionary tactic for seeding maximum panic and doubt in a concerned public. As noted above, E. coli originates from contamination by animal and poultry (even human) waste and fecal matter, just as the tainted spinach in California did. The source of the E. coli found in spinach that killed three people and sickened more than 200 in 2007 was found to be a small cattle ranch. Investigators found E. coli in river water, cattle feces, and wild pig feces on the ranch  adjacent to fields of spinach. E.coli may pass through vegetables, but it is usually antibiotics fed to animals, raw sewage, runoff, unsanitary washing practices, contaminated water that are the true cause of such outbreaks.

Scientists say the new E.coli strain is an aggressive hybrid form toxic to humans and not previously linked to food poisoning. How can such a toxic new strain suddenly appear in the food system, particularly at one small farm in northern Germany that is currently taking the rap? The answers will unfold as forensic evidence comes to the fore in the coming days. They won’t be pretty.

For more, read Mike Adams’ in-depth insights at http://www.naturalnews.com/032590_ecoli_superbugs.html

and http://www.naturalnews.com/032622_ecoli_bioengineering.html

Fast Afternoon at Riverdale

Though it is early in the season and the fields are a week away from first production, I always feel it worthwhile to go to market, if only to keep loyal customers abreast of availability. It was touch-and-go whether I could make it in to Toronto for the Tuesday afternoon market at Riverdale. The garage was waiting overnight on a part crucial to the full fix of the shot brakes on the car. I called first thing in the morning, and, yes, we were on, the part was in. So I pressed into action picking beautiful baby chard, beet greens, kale, lettuce greens from the greenhouse, and made up a mix of spinach, lettuce, bi-colour beet greens, rainbow chard, mizuna, mustards. Thank goodness for the greenhouses! Jerrica and Leigh paused in their fragrant de-grassing of the bushing-up lavender plants and set to washing, weighing and bagging the greens.

On the lovely first true sunny and warm afternoon of the season, I set up our stand midst the trees in Riverdale Park. My colleague Chris was recuperating after surgery so I was on my own. Along with the greens, I had 50 bunches of rhubarb, 10 pounds of sunchokes and some grass-fed grass-finished Dexter ground and stewing beef. The mostly female summery feeders pecked the greens, sunchokes, fresh herbs and rhubarb off the table with abandon and withing an hour and a bit, the table was a greenless desert. The frenzy can be put down to the fine weather and the fact that we, Rolling Hills Organics, were the only vendor with any greens this particular afternoon at market. I explained to the baffled buyers that farmers – ourselves included – are way behind in getting out on the fields planting after this exceptionally cool and wet May that we have just endured. The familiar refrain that I am forced to come out with once every few seasons – we’ll have more next week – was put to good use, before I scooted out of there. Ire was setting in and I didn’t want to be chased out, greenless as I was. Even after snarled traffic on the highways, I was home early to kick back with a hearty carmenère on the balmy deck, to the accompaniment of raucous evening birdsong.    

Breakthrough honeybee drugs to treat Colony Collapse Disorder (satire)

With distressing news facts about health, food, farming, elevated radiation, geopolitical wars, financial collapse, extreme weather leaking out of a largely complicit mainstream media, it is tempting to run and hide. However, it is also refreshing to get a different angle and to have a good laugh once in a while. The following made me chuckle….

Breakthrough honeybee drugs to treat Colony Collapse Disorder (satire)

by Mike Adams, the Health Ranger, NaturalNews Editor (From NaturalNews.com)

Originally published May 18 2007

Following the mysterious, accelerating collapse of honeybees across North America and Europe - a condition dubbed "Colony Collapse Disorder" - ConPfuzer, a top pharmaceutical company, has announced a new, patented medication designed to treat the disorder by drugging honeybees with psychotropic chemicals. ConPfuzer shares rose $14 in trading today as ConPfuzer's lead pharmaceutical entomologist created quite a buzz with his explanation of how the new drug - called "Buzzalin" - might work. "We have discovered that honeybees are suffering from a brain chemistry disorder," said Dr. B. Pollen, a top researcher at the company. "Our new drug, Buzzalin, has been clinically shown to control the symptoms of Colony Collapse Disorder while causing no more than two percent of the bees to commit suicide," Dr. Pollen explained.

Drug development tests were conducted on thousands of bees in the Midwest. Normally, 72 percent of bees suffering from Colony Collapse Disorder become mysteriously disoriented and cannot find their way back to the hive. But after treatment with Buzzalin, 99 percent of the bees returned to the hive on their own. Unfortunately, the other one percent of bees returned carrying automatic weapons which they used against fellow bees. The event made the evening news (because violence = ratings!) but was not considered an obstacle to FDA approval because "the drug benefits outweigh its risks," according to the FDA.

A panel of nine FDA drug safety experts approved the drug last week. Six of the nine have received consulting fees from ConPfuzer, and the other three were bribed with illicit pollination promises.

The buzz in psychiatry

The psychiatric community has reacted favorably to ConPfuzer's announcement. "We believe that honeybees need psychiatric care too," said Dr. Arthur Podd, a world authority on ADHD in animals and insects. "Up to 80 percent of honeybees may currently suffer from symptoms of Colony Collapse Disorder and not even know it," Dr. Podd said. "We need to set up screening and treatment centers to get these bees the medicine they need. No bee should be left untreated," he said.

But some skeptics questioned the need for using mental health drugs on honeybees. When ConPfuzer's Dr. Pollen was asked how such simple, tiny brains could be diagnosed with a behavioral disorder, he offered a stinging response. "No brain is too small to understand the need for psychiatric medicine!"

Side effect warning signs: Honeybesity

Side effects from Buzzalin are already starting to emerge. Honeybees that continue to take the drug for more than one month begin to experience significant weight gain, and many are being diagnosed with a new disease called, Honeybesity. "Overweight honeybees don't fly very well," explained Andrew Apis, a honeybee researcher working at the University of Missouri, Columbia. "Even if they make it out to the flower and collect some pollen, they sort of crash land back in the hive like a damaged fighter jet on an aircraft carrier, spilling their pollen granules all over the inside of the hive and getting their wings stuck in the honey."

But ConPfuzer has promised to come up with a new drug to treat Honeybesity. "Our goal is to end Honeybesity by making beekeepers pay the highest prices in the world for Buzzalin," explained Dr. Pollen. "We'll then take the profits from those sales and pay huge bonuses to our shareholders and CEOs. Whatever's left will be invested in the search for a cure for Honeybesity. We believe it is the obligation of American beekeepers to pay the highest prices in the world for medicine so that we can raise the money needed to search for yet more drugs that we can sell back to the same people at profiteering prices."

The U.S. Senate agreed, passing a law banning the importation of honeybees from other countries and mandating a national "honeybee mental health screening program" covering all honeybees currently in the United States. All such bees found to fly in zig-zag patterns will be deemed "Attention Deficit Hyperactive" and be put on Buzzalin or other patented drugs.

ConPfuzier has also funded a Colony Collapse Disorder support group that's designed to "keep honeybees on our drugs forever" while telling them they're actually getting well. A nationwide "Run For the Cure" event is also being organized that involves disturbing a hive of killer Africanized bees and watching them chase gullible consumers around a football field while they cough up cash for every mile survived.

Behind closed doors, Big Pharma executives are drooling over the market opportunities that have emerged from Colony Collapse Disorder. After successfully drugging most humans and pets through a campaign of medical domination, pharmaceutical companies have been looking into new markets for expansion. "Insects appear to be the next great frontier in pharmaceutical profits," proclaimed one press release sent out by the PHARMA trade group. "We see huge market opportunites in honeybees, spiders, ants and bed mites. Of course, we will also pursue new opportunities for drugging human infants and newborns, but the real growth in selling drugs will be found in turning insects into patients," the press release reported.

All that remains is convincing the public that bees actually have mental health diseases requiring chemical treatment. This is being accomplished through Big Pharma's new campaign that claims: "Insects are people, too!"

About Colony Collapse Disorder: This disease, also known as ADHBee, is caused by a brain chemistry imbalance in honeybees that makes them act like teenagers: They don't come home on time, and even when they do show up, they smell like pollen and refuse to say where they've been. Although this article is a joke, the disorder is real, and honeybee populations are collapsing all across North America and Europe. Click here to read our previous article on Colony Collapse Disorder or click here to read the Wikipedia entry.